I was a real big pain…I still am a real big pain for my mother. She was a teen parent when she had me and being her first son it was not easy for her. So to remember all of the things I put my mama through, here are some stories.
When I was four I was a bit of a pyromaniac. On Valentines Day while my mother was at work and my grandma in the living room, I wandered off into the kitchen. The stove was on, and what was cooking did not concern me, but the fire was beautiful. I grabbed a roll of paper towels and stuck it into the flames and it lit! The roll immediately ignited, and I got scared so I threw it on the wooden kitchen table with other paper towels and mail! The table went up in flames! I tried to extinguish the flames with my baby bottle but that failed. I got scared and ran to go hide under a table in the dinning room. My grandma smelled the smoke and ran to the kitchen. She put out the fire and called my mom. When we looked at the table part of the table was charred and it was in the shape of a heart. I still got in trouble. I’m sorry mom.
At the age of three my mother tried teaching me how to put on my shoes, but I kept putting them on the wrong feet. She came home from a long day of work and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and walked out of the house. She woke up and saw the front door was open, and I was missing and she freaked out! She was running around looking for me. At that same time I walked into the house and she yelled,”Where were you?!” and I responded, “Kitty!” because at that age I liked to chase after kitties. When she looked down she saw that my shoes were on the right feet. Still got in trouble. I’m really sorry mom.
Around the same age of three Tarzan was on VHS. After watching the movie I thought I was Tarzan. I walked into the kitchen and saw the ceiling fan and its chord. I thought it was a vine. I got on a chair jumped! I swung over to another chair tearing the ceiling fan from the ceiling! My poor mother ran upstairs again, and yelled, “What are you doing!?” and I said, “Mama Tarzan!” Still got in trouble.
I’m really sorry mom for what I put you through. I love you mom.
In the United States, 3 in 10 girls get pregnant before they are 20. Half of pregnancies in US are unplanned.
In 2008 Illinois had 30,630 pregnancies from people ages 15-19.
In 2009, Chicago’s teen birth rate per 1,000 females was 57.
For Roxane, At least 10 friends lost, 10 years of never being able to sleep a full night again, 10 years my of mom looking at me different, 10 years of my son confused for my brother.
These are the things I did not know about when I got pregnant. These are the things that do not make the news or statistics but had a huge impact on my life, and after 10 years I can remember all of these things.
If you have experiences about teen pregnancy and would like to share some of the things you didn’t know, visit the Sex-Ed Loop’s “Things I Didn’t Know” Tumblr and submit your story. Use the hashtag #didntknw to start a convo on Twitter.
“I didn’t know I’d lose friends.”
When I first had my son Jay, I didn’t know I’d lose friends. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to hang out with me, but we weren’t on the same playing field anymore.
Before my son, I worried about me. I worried about what I was going to wear, what I was going to do that day, how I was going to get places. My friends had the same “I” thoughts. When Jay came, my “I” turned into “he”. What was he going to wear, what was he going to do today, etc. My noun did not fit into their noun anymore.
I didn’t know the friends who stuck with me would be my friends forever. They focused on Jay with me. Jay knows them as Titi’s, I know them as sisters.
“I didn’t know I’d always worry about my son.”
I did not know that I would always worry about Jay. Morning, midmorning, afternoon, midafternoon, evening, night. When I am awake and when I am asleep. I worry about his health. I didn’t know that sometimes children have medical issues, physical or mental that you don’t know until after you have them. My son did.
I worry about the friends he makes. Are they good people? Bad people? Will he be safe playing outside in our back yard? Is he behaving at school? Even at night, I still go in his room to make sure he is breathing. He is ten years old and I still check if he is breathing! I worry about what kind of man will he grow up to be. I feel responsible for that. Even when he is an old man with children of his own, I will still worry about him.
I also didn’t know how bad I could hurt for Jay. When he is hurting or sad, I’m even worse. I can cry just thinking about him and how much I love him. I would have never guessed that was what parenting was.
“I didn’t know how judgmental people can be!”
I was 19 years old when I gave birth to Jay. Doctors would speak to me like I didn’t understand English. They would speak slowly and with the smallest words they could. Was it because I was Latina? Nope! It was because I was a teenager with a baby so I must have not known any better. Those doctors did not know that before I had Jay, I was on a scholarship at a university working as a pre-med major in biology. How smart you are and how your heart operates are two different things. People in the street would always tell me how cute my brother was. My Brother?! No, I have stretch marks, weight gain, and a birth certificate that says he was all mine and I was all his. I felt bad that I did not have an education, a good paying job, or my own place. Even when you are told to not worry about those people, you will. I did. I didn’t know it would feel as bad as it did.
“I didn’t know my relationship with my family would change.”
In my family, I was born first, the first to walk, the first to go to school, the first to graduate high school with honors, and I was supposed to be the first to graduate college. It still happened that way, just not in the way my family planned it for me. I was their baby girl and now their baby girl was having a baby boy. It was not something I was prepared for and something I do not think my family was prepared for so early in my life. I was a mother, just like my mother was my mother. She was not prepared to speak to me mother to mother. That was a struggle I didn’t know I was going to have to deal with. Even now in my early 30s, my mom still questions what I do with Jay. That will not change because before I was Jay’s mom, I was Nancy’s daughter.
“I didn’t know how much having a baby would change me.”
Most of all, I didn’t know how much having a baby would change me. Parts of it have strengthened me. I never knew I could love someone so much before I had Jay. But parts of it meant that I had to figure out how to get past obstacles and challenges that I wasn’t prepared to face at that age. For me, some parts of my life worked out and some parts didn’t work out the way I would have wanted or the way I had planned.
There were a lot of things I didn’t know.
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If you have experiences about teen pregnancy and would like to share some of the things you didn’t know, visit the Sex-Ed Loop’s “Things I Didn’t Know” Tumblr and submit your story. Use the hashtag #didntknw to start a convo on Twitter.
With school coming to an end and prom season approaching, this can be one of the best times of the year! You don’t want anything to take away from your good time during prom and the best way to do that is with careful preparation. If you plan on being sexually active (and maybe even if you don’t), get yourself tested before prom and make sure to bring protection to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections. Most importantly, you can make some choices ahead of time that will keep you safe during and after prom. Here are the top 5 ways to prepare to turn it up!
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1. Communicate with your date.
Have you talked to your partner about what’s happening after prom? Until you talk out details, you both may not be on the same page. Talk about what your plans are after prom, how you will get there and how you both will get home. If you are getting a ride to prom, make both of your parents or guardians are aware of the plans. Keeping adults in the loop can be difficult, but in the end it’s a way to stay safe. It’s also important to communicate with your friends. Whether you plan on meeting up or not, being a good friend means staying in contact and knowing where you’ll be.
2. Turn down for what?
Turn up the afterparty, but remember you’ll have the most fun if you’re not worried about anything. Plan the afterparty or other activities with your friends before prom. The first step is to make sure you know how you are getting to prom, who’s giving you rides, and how you will get home. Your peers may be drinking on prom night which means there is a risk that they might drive drunk. Never get in a car with someone that is drinking – there is always a better alternative. There are a lot of safe activities to do after prom like bowling, late night restaurants, movies, going to the beach, making a bonfire, or going to someone’s house to cook and play games. So talk to your crew and plan something that will make everyone the happy!
3. Don’t get sensual if it’s not consensual.
Sometimes after an event like prom, there can be expectations to get physical with your date. Remember, you never have to do anything you don’t want to do. You get to decide and you’re allowed to change your mind at any point. If you and your date want the same thing, make sure that is communicated. Get consent before AND during any romantic or sexual activities. Just because your partner isn’t saying “No” out loud doesn’t mean they are saying “Yes.”
4. Wrap it up!
Don’t get too turned up before you wrap it up! That means using protection to prevent pregnancy and infections. The night of prom, make sure you carry your preferred method of protection (and a backup plan too). Birth control, condoms, dental dams can prevent pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections if you use them right. So make sure you have protection AND know how to use it! Don’t rely on your partner to bring it with them. What if they forget? If you’re already sexually active, get tested at your local clinic before prom so you can keep yourself and your date safe. It is also important to get tested after prom if you have been sexually active. Wait three weeks after prom to get tested for chlamydia & gonorrhea. Go again three months later to get tested for HIV. Then get tested every six months after that to stay safe!
5. Don’t get scared – Be prepared!
Sometimes nights don’t always go as planned. That doesn’t mean you can’t stay safe. An unsafe situation can mean winding up with people you don’t know or don’t feel good around, being in a place that makes you feel uncomfortable, being around drugs or alcohol, or being pressured to do something you don’t feel right about. So make sure you have a backup plan. Here are the top tips from Chicago youth to be prepared:
Pay attention. Keep an eye on your friends. Check who you rode in with. No matter what you’re drinking, don’t set your cup down and watch who’s pouring so no one puts something in your beverage. Use a buddy system. If your friend is in trouble, don’t be afraid to call an adult who cares. If you’re not sure what to do, go with your gut feeling.
Stay in touch. Always have your phone charged, extra battery, your phone charger, and numbers of friends or family you can call. Make sure your friends know where you are and where you’re going. Come up with code words and texts so you can help each other.
Get home safe. Talk to your parents or a family member who can pick you up at any time of night if you need them too. Have a Plan B ride home just in case. Bring a bus card or cash with you in case you need to take a cab home and write down the driver’s number. If someone isn’t listening to you, repeat yourself and say what you want.
Just do you. Have a positive attitude. Don’t worry about other people having fun. Enjoy your friends, meet new people, and get off the wall!
If you thought these tips were helpful, share them with your friends! There is also a lot more information on our website http://www.sexedloop.com. Here you can find comprehensive, reliable health information, a list of health clinics, blogs filled with information and links to other helpful resources. Remember to ask for help from an adult who cares if you need it. Have a happy and safe prom!
In order to escape the harshness of reality, you plug in your headphones, turn on your music, and drown out the rest of the world. This is the “power” of music; it’s a place you can escape to when things aren’t going your way. The beat combined with the lyrics affect your mental processes, positively or negatively. You might be surprised to discover that music can actually cange the chemistry of your brain! For instance, music can raise your serotonin, boost your norepinephrine, and dopamine. Also, scientific studies have proven that music can dynamically change physiological indicators of emotional arousal – which means it can get you physically and mentally amped up. Physical changes include: heart rate, breathing, electrodermal activity, body temperature, and blood volume pulse. What does that mean for you? It means you can use single pieces of great music to change the state of your brain and body in just minutes, if not seconds. Here’s what music can do for you:
Music can help you relax.
Music can relax your muscles and help you reduce your breathing rate. Both of these actions are directly related to reducing anxiety and can help you in making your life less stressful. Music can alter your brain wave pattern and so elevate your mood even after you stop listening to it. Some people play music instead of just listening to it. Playing music, whether it’s using your voice or an instrument, directly affects your brain by creating more passageways. This improvement is (in a sense) making you smarter.
When I play the electric guitar, I feel really energized because of the rock/metal feel I add when play, and rock/metal is really upbeat and energetic; whereas, when I play acoustic, I’m calmer and composed due to the soothing sounds it emits. Music genres are geared to a certain emotion, believe it or not; you can practically look at a person, and by the way the act, you can infer what genre(s) of music they listen to.
Music can help you get fit and stay fit!
Researchers found a positive correlation between faced paced music and exercise. It’s not too surprising that music works to increase exercising strength by distracting your mind while pushing the heart and muscles to work at a faster pace. Not much is known about how or why it works, but it is thought to ease exercise. The best music to listen to is between 120-140 beats per minute, which also happens to be the standard tempo for upbeat dance music.
Music can distract you (when you need it to).
The next way music can be used to our advantage is by creating a diversion. Music distracts the mind from unpleasant thoughts which can easily fill the silence and decrease our anxiety. This can help us from choking under pressure. In a study of basketball players who were prone to failing at the free throw line, research found they could improve the player’s percentage if they were to first listen to a catchy tune and hum it in their heads. Listening to the Monty Python song, “Always look on the bright side of life,” caused the players to lose focus and execute their free throws with minimal involvement form the prefrontal cortex. If you are prone to getting anxious, worried, or choking under pressure, throwing on a humorous, light-hearted song before you perform might help distract your brain enough to keep you from failing. Distraction is considered one of the most effective strategies for regulating mood.
Music can help you dig deep into your moods.
¬Using music to allow your body to discharge is another way to utilize it to your advantage. Music matching deep moods can release emotions having a purging and cleansing effect therefore boosting your immune system. Soothing music is known to decrease stress, and when it does that, it decreases the level of the stress hormone cortisol. It’s not just soothing music though, even upbeat dance music is known to increase the level of antibodies in your system.
Music can help you fight fatigue.
Lastly, music has been shown to help fight fatigue, especially if you change up the music often. Studies have shown that almost all music increases your mood, because it causes a release of dopamine. So if you are feeling tired, bored, or depressed, a good pop song might just be the cure you need.
The following are various types of music and the effect they may have on your emotional state:
Folk music: Virtually all folk music is serotonin boosting, which improves your mood and can calm you down.
Jazz and Rhythm and Blues: Rhythm and blues can be pretty depressing, especially if you are already depressed. Don’t get me wrong – this genre offers a lot of great music, but most of the lyrics focus on life’s travails. Many people find this music highly cathartic and emotionally healing, but others can be brought even lower by the deep suffering that the music often expresses. Therefore, I recommend exercising caution in this category, at least until you feel ready to deal with your own deep emotional pain. Jazz on the other hand, can be incredibly uplifting and joyful. It can be melodic and soothing (thus a serotonin booster) or exciting and arousing (a norepinephrine booster). Choose the pieces you especially enjoy for their desired effects.
Rock and Roll: Most rock and roll is norepinephrine and dopamine boosting, both soothing and exciting. However, rock is often hard to classify as a genre with just one effect. Even hard rock bands produce serotonin-boosting songs from time to time, such as Guns and Roses’ “November Rain.” Also, many of the Beatles songs are serotonin boosters. Most modern rock and roll is arousing and consequently will boost norepinephrine and dopamine. There are endless choices to suit your tastes. Bruce Springstein’s album “Born to Run” is a classic norepinephrine and dopamine booster.
Musical Theatre: The music of musical theatre is generally upbeat and inspiring. Many of the stories have a happy ending and this boosts serotonin, too. Of course, there are exceptions, such as Leonard Bernstein’s “West Side Story” and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Miss Saigon” – musicals that offer perhaps more catharsis than uplift. The following list includes the names of some classic serotonin-boosting musicals:
Cole Porter: “Anything Goes”
Oscar Hammerstein and Richard Rogers: “Oklahoma ”
Frank Loesser: “Guys and Dolls”
Andrew Lloyd Webber: “Phantom of the Opera”
Stephen Sondheim: “A Little Night Music”
Marvin Hamlish: “A Chorus Line”
Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe: “My Fair Lady”
Classical Composers: Most classical music will boost norepinephrine and dopamine, calming chemicals for your brain. The following are examples of these:
Beethoven: most of the music from the Fifth and Ninth Symphonies is arousing and will boost dopamine and norepinephrine
Kabalevsky: “Gallop” from Opus 39, no. 18
Mozart: Overture from “The Marriage of Figaro”
Tchaikovsky: “The Nutcracker”
Now you know the secret power of music to change how you feel. So, go and give it a try!
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